Hi guys, how have you been? I hope you have been okay? Today will be fun; I can feel it in my bones. 

We are talking about Pregnancy scares today; I had the idea sometime last month, and I created a Google form, pinned it to my Twitter profile, and some people who felt comfortable sharing their experiences filled it. Frankly, some of the entries are hilarious.

Before we go on, if you just became 18 this month or this week, welcome to the big boys club; if you are not yet 18, see you next time. 

Let’s get into it. 

Imagine you miss your period as a woman and you find out you are pregnant (unwanted) or as a man your partner gets pregnant after you had sex. Finding out it was a scare would probably have you crying tears of joy.

If you live in a Nigerian home, you have probably heard the following words or some part of the following: “If you get pregnant in my house, I am chasing you out.” As a female growing up in a Nigerian home, most of us didn’t get the sex or pregnancy talk; all we got was, “If a boy touches you, you will get pregnant.” 

These words affected my early relationship with boys; I couldn’t bear any of them touching me or my skin because I didn’t want to be pregnant. I was scared of my mom because I didn’t want her to kill me. Growing up opened my eyes to many things, and if you had told me this time last year I would have an erotic blog, I would have told you to go to hell, but here I am. 

Unwanted pregnancies in Nigerian homes are seen as armageddon, the parents would fume and shout at the lady; they would even go as far as going to the father of the baby’s house and disgrace them there (something my mom can do). Their families would throw their things out, and there will be a family meeting on their head. 

Some families would suggest an abortion (which, by the way, I think it’s not a horrible thing to do. I would abort a baby if I got pregnant this instant, I’m sorry, but I can’t give birth to a baby right now.)

It is a terrifying thing. I haven’t experienced that before, but any of you that experienced that, I am so proud of you. Those of you that have had abortions, I admire your courage and the strength you had to pull through. 

The guys, too, have had their fair share of pregnancy scares, but how parents react is different. Some parents might accept the pregnancy while some will send their sons abroad and leave the lady stranded, while some will offer the lady money to get out of their son’s life (To be frank, I would accept the money). 

Prepare yourself for these stories; they are scary and hilarious at the same time. 

“I’ve always had stomach issues, from ovarian cysts, to heavy or  ​late period and extremely painful cramps. Sometimes in 2020, after going for scan multiple times, my doctor said he didn’t want to jump into conclusions, but there was like a 50% chance of me having endometriosis. He told me not to panic and that he’d call me to schedule a date for a test. I went home, read a lot about it, compared the symptoms to what I had going on and concluded that was the only reasonable answer. I was sad at first, but I made peace with it and decided to live life without worrying. Few months after that, I got into a new relationship but we couldn’t see because COVID was still very severe and the lockdown was still in place. The next year, schools resumed and we were finally able to see. We had sex for several months without any form of protection and the fact that nothing happened furthered my “I have endometriosis” believe. Lmao I and the guy even talked about adoption. April came like a thief in the night and refused to bring my period with it. I wasn’t bothered because that wasn’t the first time, plus, ✨ endometriosis ✨ yunno. Several weeks passed and still nothing, I thought of all the things I did and started having doubts. To make matters worse, I was gaining weight and craving so many weird food combo. My then boyfriend and I decided to take a test after weeks of panicking. It came out positive. I couldn’t believe my eyes because what happened to my endometriosis nah? When did God decide to heal me all of a sudden? We got two more test strips and they both came out positive. Still unable to grasp what was going on, we went for an ultrasound that confirmed I was very pregnant”.

“Didn’t see my period for a whole month, the next month, it was late for 2 weeks, knowing that i had unprotected sex beforehand. It was scary ASF, wetin I wan talk for house😂. I became very lean because I worried a lot. Even though, I still went to knack again, at least top it if baby dey💀😂.”

“My boyfriend and I haven’t seen each other for a while. Like 3 months, he was busy with work, I was extremely busy with school, so he surprised me at school, we went out, he told me to go from his place to school so it was settled. Prior to that, I stopped using my birth control pills so I forgot about it sef and I don’t know how to calculate my ovulation blah blah(it’s embarrassing). We had sex on a Saturday, he did the pull out method, on a Sunday, same thing, but with a condom. I left. This was November and I haven’t seen my period then. December was in the corner, no period, January came in, same thing, we’ve linked up again o. So I told him, he said, if you’re pregnant, we’re keeping it, bro. I didn’t want it, I didn’t check because I was scared to confirm, he was excited, I told him, if I’m really pregnant, I don’t want the child. Like I’m not ready for one, I’m still a student blah blah. He was hurt, but nah, I can’t. I was so scared. Bro I remembered I slept in mosque telling God if I’m not pregnant, I’ll worship him forever so he called me like a week later, bought the pregnancy checker thing, I didn’t get it because I was scared. So I checked, the 10 mins wait killed me, I didn’t know when I started crying, then I saw it, I wasn’t pregnant, bro I screamed and cried in joy cus wetin I go do?😭he was hurt, can’t lie. But I can’t just pretend I want a baby when I don’t. We’ve never spoken about it sef. So why bring a baby into the picture? It was then I stopped unprotected sex. If you want to practice your pull our game, don’t do it with me abeg.” 

I had sex when I was ovulating without a condom; at first, I wasn’t scared or anything, but as days went by, the fear started creeping in; I wasn’t one to track my period, so I didn’t even know when to expect it, my friend recommended the grace app, so I used it immediately, tracked my last period and was waiting in anxiety.

I started experiencing back aches which made things worse, and I was in my family’s house so that I couldn’t complain to my parents out of fear; I started having discharges too, and I googled them; they were both signs of early pregnancy, at this point, I was miraculously waiting for the 28th day of my cycle to see my period, on that day I saw nothing, on the 29th nothing too. I became a ghost of myself, I told myself to get a test kit, but I was so scared of the result, so I did nothing but cry and swear never to have sex again when no one was around, on the 30th and 31st day of my cycle I was on my knees begging God to have mercy on me and set me free this one time. The next day I saw myself at a pharmacy store buying two test kits, got home, entered the toilet, and ran the tests, and to the glory of God, they both had single lines that evening, the stupid red idiot came.

It was scary. I noticed that I’d been spotting and clotting for some days, but it wasn’t time for my period to come, so I told a friend, and we went to a clinic to seek medical help. On getting there, I was asked a series of questions relating to my sexual life; then, the man said that I might be pregnant or was pregnant. My soul left my body that instant, and the tears began to flow so freely. I cried my eyes out in the little clinic with a friend before getting a blood test. I had no money to pay for an abortion, and the father was nowhere to be found. The test result came out when I was in class; I almost fainted from relief because the guilt I would’ve carried from having an abortion would kill me. I had to get a scan done to be sure that there was no dead fetus in my womb, as the following reason I was spotting might be due to my body forcefully aborting the fetus. It turns out that I wasn’t pregnant at all.

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So the first one got pregnant to a married man while nearly married to me… Anyways the last pregnancy scare I had, so I had met this girl online, then I asked her out. So on her birthday, she decided to come around and be with me; we lodged and had sex as many rounds as we could; it got to a stage where the condoms finished, and we decided to have raw, which was what we did, and I came inside her. So the following morning, I got her post-pill, and she used it. So I had traveled for work and was not supposed to return until February 2022. So aunty suddenly called me one day telling me that her period was late, like 7days later, and that she was worried, omo, so I started panicking as I was not ready to become a father yet. But she scared me; she started playing on my intelligence by telling me that she saw our child in her dream. Omoo, I was sweating at work that day because she was dangling dreams, meeting her dad in my face. Omo, the panic worsened sha. Then after two weeks of disrupting my mental health, she told me it was a prank. I broke up with her that day.

So my babe and I were not quite sure if the two contraceptives we used worked… she was due for her cycle on the 15th, and here it was the 20th… and other signs ensued… I somehow looked at her stomach and saw it protrude and felt she was already pregnant because I had read online, and I saw that it wasn’t everyone who had to vomit to confirm pregnancy…  well, on the 23rd, she saw her monthly cycle… I just laid down and rolled on the floor, thanking God… because how? How can I tell everyone that we’ve barely been having sex for a year, and she’s already pregnant …we just beefed up our game after that.

Everything that happened to me turned into a pregnancy symptom. If my throat felt somehow, I’ll say it was vomit. I sat in the toilet every morning with my pt strip for two weeks. I prayed like a mad person. In the end, I wasn’t pregnant.

I got to the office that morning after wading through Lagos traffic; the last time I had seen my woman was about two weeks prior, and of course, we did the nasty. While I was straightening my desk and trying to get into the day’s schedule, she texted to see if I had gotten to work and how I was doing. I told her I had just gotten in. Then I got “we need to talk,” and I literally froze. I quickly ran into the bathroom, locked the door, and called her, and she started telling me how she’s been feeling sick on recent mornings and how her period was late. I had mixed feelings. I was happy because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman; I was sad because I wasn’t ready. I told her not to sweat it and that I would get a test kit on my way home, stop by her place, and talk about where it goes from there. Well, it was negative, just her hormones acting up. Good thing it was just a scare sha. Because e don cast.”

She didn’t like me. First, things changed; we started friends with benefits ish. She didn’t like using condoms, so she went on the pill. She started feeling weird, and her period wouldn’t come, she took the test, and it was positive. I had to go to the clinic with her for moral support. I ended it after that, even though she wanted to continue.

I woke up one morning shivering and vomiting. So scared, I thought I was pregnant. Then I remembered “Sebastian” was hard as a rock. It was then I knew weed is terrible.

Thank you to everyone who filled out this form; I enjoyed reading the stories and hope you guys enjoyed them too—practice safe sex. 

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