Look who’s here with another feast for your minds and souls.
Today we’ll be talking about a delicate and confusing topic; How to deal with intimacy in a relationship if you don’t like to be touched, which most people beat about without ever finding proper answers.
A huge part of relationships is centered around intimacy, whose foundations are built around physical touch.
Many people desire intimacy from their partners at the very least, and as someone who can’t stand being touched, finding your way around this can go from tricky to annoying and depressing. You might even feel like there’s no one out there for you.
If that’s what you’ve come to believe, I say worry not for you have come to the right place to learn how to deal with intimacy.
I am not about to give you a magic potion to solve all your problems (where is this wand?). But what I will give you are tips that will show you how to deal with intimacy in your relationship if you’re the type that can’t stand physical touch.
Get comfortable while we run these tips on how to deal with intimacy together.
How To Deal With Intimacy
The points I am about to explain how to deal with intimacy will either allow you to gain a deeper connection in your relationship or tell you some truths you already know.
Let’s dive into 10 tips on how to deal with intimacy (excited yet?)
Understanding The Problem
The first step to solving a problem is to understand it.
To know how to deal with intimacy is to know the problem itself.
Some people might not want other people close to them because of a traumatic experience in the past or because they process sensory information differently from others, like people on the autism spectrum.
In some cases, the desire to be touched is lost because of a decline in romance or trust in the relationship.
For first-timers, it might be a result of anxiety or a lack of trust, as they may fear that physical touch might lead to intimacy, which may lead to sex, and they just aren’t ready for that.
For people who have children, they might be touched out after having carried their child all day. Maybe they want the time to themselves.
Whatever the case may be, it is important to think about what causes your repulsion toward physical touch and how it manifests. That way, you can move on to the next step, which is to establish proper communication.
Establish Proper Communication
The second on our list of how to deal with intimacy is knowing how to communicate
With proper communication, many problems in relationships can be solved or easily prevented. This problem is no different.
If you’re able to figure out how you don’t like to be touched, what you like, and what you don’t like, then you should let your partner know. If there’s a particular reason you don’t like to be touched, then it is worth telling your partner to build trust and make yourself more comfortable around them. That would help you open up to them.
Intimacy needs the two of you to work, and while it may seem like your problem, it isn’t. It will take you and your partner time to figure out what drives you. So put them on the things that make you go sideways, the things that make you feel safe, and the things that make you think you need an exorcism.
Also, it’s completely okay if the actions that make you lower your guard have nothing to do with physical touch.
Start With Small Steps
A journey of a thousand years begins with…
You knowing how to deal with intimacy.
Going all the way to PDAs or intercourse feels like a stressful plan. Worse if your partner can’t keep their hands to themselves. The idea could be jarring and may cause you a lot of fear and anxiety.
However, to know how to deal with intimacy, you have to understand that instead of going all the way, you could start with something small.
Like a handshake.
Yes! A handshake.
It might sound crazy to some people, but there are a lot of people who aren’t comfortable receiving handshakes from the opposite sex. If you find yourself in such a position, you should know it is okay to let your guard down with your partner.
Does it give you the ick? Are you comfortable? Do you think you could go for higher?
These are things you should take note of when you’re running this experiment.
If you feel like you’ve gotten used to it and can go for something more, then you could try an occasional hug. It doesn’t have to be too intimate. Anything works fine.
Take note of how long you’re willing to let it last, how passionate you are, how your partner responds to you, and other things you think should be worth noticing.
This way, you slowly build up trust in your heart and break the walls that block them from reaching you.
If you still have doubts about going all the way, then you can try something else.
Try Other Forms of Intimacy
Sex isn’t the only form of intimacy. In this context, we’re talking about sex with intimacy, but there is still sex without intimacy. It’s okay to not be interested in sex, even if you’ve been able to gain some physical intimacy. If that happens, you might want to look for other forms of how to deal with intimacy.
There’s no need to rush. You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. There are other ways to be intimate that you can explore.
You can build intimacy by sharing something special with your partner. It could be a favorite movie, a dish, a video game, a book, or even a party. Sometimes, it could just be spending time in each other’s presence.
Like it or not, quality time is enough to move some people’s hearts. In other cases, it could be as simple as having deep intellectual conversations.
Knowing how to deal with intimacy in this case depends on the kind of person you are and how much you have in common with your partner.
As you build on other aspects of intimacy, you could try building up physical intimacy. Don’t worry about wanting to do small things. It’s fine if a simple hug means so much to you. It means a lot to a lot of people. Always remember to start small and build gently.
As you know more about how to deal with intimacy(physical), there will come a few times when you won’t be able to get into it or when your partner moves faster than you can keep up. For situations like those, it helps to have a simple and safe way to say stop that you and your partner will respect and recognize.
To put it simply, have a safe word that means stop.
For example, you and your partner try cuddling while watching a movie or a show on Netflix, but you feel overwhelmed as you feel the mood heading towards that climax you aren’t ready for. If the thought of detaching without saying a word crosses your mind, then it might be time to speak that safe word that quietly tells your partner that you would like to take a breather.
Remember, the safe word has to be something you and your partner both agree on and respect.
Seek out people whose love languages aren’t too dependent on physical touch.
Maybe what you need is not how to deal with intimacy but a different partner (just saying.)
You can’t choose who you’re attracted to, of course; however, simply making the effort to choose partners who are more likely to keep their hands to themselves will help you a lot.
Just think about it; there’ll be less pressure on you to engage in physical forms of intimacy, and you’ll have better chances of finding other forms of intimacy. You might even find someone who wants to go at the same pace as you.
Rather than trying hard to make a relationship work at the expense of your comfort and happiness, it is better to prioritize chemistry and mutual understanding.
You might think that the world right now is very sexual, and no one would be with you if you couldn’t do something as simple as physical touch, but you have nothing to fear.
There are 8 billion people in the world.
You’re going to find one that matches your energy.
Finding someone who matches your energy or lack of it is really important in building a relationship. You indeed have to make compromises when building relationships, but some things shouldn’t be compromised so you can have a good foundation to build on.
In most cases, discomfort with physical touch is normal. If you find yourself frequently repulsed, you have nothing to worry about.
It does not mean you’re sick or that there’s something wrong with you. However, there’s still a chance that your discomfort is the result of some experience or trauma.
In this case, a good way for you to learn how to deal with intimacy is to seek out professional help.
If it is accessible to you, please take it.
It’s a bold step in making yourself heal from past experiences and be comfortable with your partner. You’ll get more perspectives on the problem, and you’ll have a chance to get more solutions than the average person can give.
Hopefully, this list of how to deal with intimacy was easy to follow and unpack.
Once again, it is important to note that there’s nothing wrong with you, and you’re not about to die single.
There’s someone out there for everyone, and there’s a solution to every problem.
Understand what works and what doesn’t, and take baby steps towards building intimacy with your partner.
I hope you found some value in these tips on how to deal with intimacy.
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See you in the next post!
Happy New Year.